I feel real all of a sudden.

Ruben.
Two simple syllables that are going to mean more to me than most other things for the rest of my life.

He is my sister Abigail's new son, born yesterday. Exactly a month early but it seemed as though it was the right time...strange how nature always appears to know what needs to happen and when.
I went to see him for the first time this evening and despite the fact that he weighs little more than a bag of flour (born 4lb4, quite the midget), the little prune-face managed to completely change my current outlook.



You know how sometimes you can't help but sit and ask all those 'big questions'...
-Why am I here?
-Where is my life going?
-Am I even real?
-Is anything real?
Well today, those questions seemed to be answered.
Seeing Ruben for the first time and talking about how amazing pregnancy, birth and babies in general are, I thought to myself 'Of course he's real,' because how could something as special and complex as him really be a figment of my imagination? The detail of him; his fingernails, eyelashes, folded little ears and beautiful shiny eyes are just too perfect for me to have imagined. I can safely say, from now on, that the only thing I know I have to do during my lifetime is have children. It's my purpose. Who knows when or who with at this minute in time but it definitely has to happen. I knew already that I really want kids, it's only actually encountering one of the helpless tiny things that has put it in perspective.

Heck knows, maybe this is all hormones Ruben was secreting getting in my brain and forcing me to get broody... nevertheless, I'd still want some.
Babies are fun =]

So yeah, a tip for the future: stay away from my womb!
[Sorry if this all seems sappy, it's just the way I feel...]